Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
