So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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