forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
