I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
