Swine flu. Run for my life!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
