I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
