You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
