I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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