You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
