oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
