I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
