she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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