we have officially lost it.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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