if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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