We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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