Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
