my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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