remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
