Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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