Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
