I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
