uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
