Can i not drive my cunt home
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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