and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
ok first of all what the fuck
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
