Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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