What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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