At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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