When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
