I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
