wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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