Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
