You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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