i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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