sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
