I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
