She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
