she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
