Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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