No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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