I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
