I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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