I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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