Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You can't just leave with hair like that
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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