We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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