He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
