Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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