Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My liver just had a heart attack.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
