i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
