THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
