When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
