i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
