Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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